Pulling loose threads.

It’s Friday. Time for a round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned.

Except I am looking back on a murky week. There’s not much I can share with clarity. If there are lessons here, they are not learned – rather still very much in progress. But they center on this:

I let go of something this week. And it turns out that releasing something that represents an identity can bring up all sorts of unexpected weirdness. Or at least an unexpected level and quantity of weirdness. Totally did not see that coming and the space I would need to make for it.

I pulled on a what I thought was a loose thread and ended up unraveling half my sweater.

Which was mostly good. The whole point of the release was to untangle myself from certain threads connecting me to my past.

But as I kept pulling free, I found myself wanting to keep going. To unravel the ill-fitting parts of the sweater knit much more recently. Still good – ultimately – but again: did not anticipate needing to make space for that. It crowded out other planned activities in a way that was discombobulating. And left me feeling naked and vulnerable.

• • • • •

Funny how you can do your best to follow the instructions yet still end up with something not-quite-right.

Bummer. But it happens. So you figure out where you miscounted or dropped a stitch, and go back to that point and begin again.

That’s really all these Lessons Learned are about: finding those places and beginning again, now knowing what you didn’t know then.

I suppose my sense of murkiness or confusion this week is just me trying to locate that starting point.

And wondering what to wear while I rework this thing – because I need something much more cozy and comforting than half a sweater.

Luckily, I have multiple identities and roles in my life – which means I have other sweaters to choose from. I just have to remember to go to my closet and put a different one on instead of needlessly sitting here shivering, feeling all exposed to the drafts of change, in this half-knit mess.

• • • • •

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3 Responses to “Pulling loose threads.”


  1. 1 Tracy October 3, 2009 at 8:51 am

    “And wondering what to wear while I rework this thing – because I need something much more cozy and comforting than half a sweater.” I can really identify with this! And for me, there’s also a layer of grief because I really liked that sweater, which leads to a deep resistance of the need to change clothes.

    • 2 Cairene October 3, 2009 at 11:17 am

      @Tracy –
      oh I know! it’s so sad when the things we love wear out or are no longer useful or fit right…
      and even when we didn’t love them, there’s often still a weird resistance to letting go of what’s comfortable solely because it’s familiar.


  1. 1 The Puttering Basket « How THW Gets In Gear Trackback on November 2, 2009 at 11:51 am

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